How do you love me?

How do you love me?  Let me count the ways…

For many of us part of our journey through life is finding THAT person.  Sometimes we make a list of qualities both physical and character.  The physical attraction is usually the first test.  Maybe it is a smile, a certain look, the list can be exhaustive.  The visual appearance can sometimes tell us a story, mostly one we are creating, not necessarily the whole truth about the person.

The character is more challenging.  We first judge the other persons character based on our values.  So sometimes this can create acceptance, non-acceptance or intrigue.  Knowing who we are should really be the basis of who we choose to be in our life.  I recommend starting with a self-analysis before you make a permanent or temporary decision of who your partner should be.

One of the suggested places to start is taking the 5 love languages quiz (  The quiz can reveal what language you need and want in your relationships.  We all have specific needs that help us feel content and fulfilled in our relationships.

The book “The 5 love languages,” written by Dr Gary Chapman, lists the 5 languages most of us need to add to a successful relationship.

They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts.

One of these normally resonates for each of us.  For me it is acts of service.  I love it when someone does something for me without me asking.  The gratitude and appreciation within me creates a feeling of being special to that person.

Dr. Chapman emphasizes the critical importance that you should know what your love language is as well as your partners.  He correlates the process of providing the important love language for your partner to adding money into a bank account.  When you are not providing your partner with their love language the bank account can be operating in a deficit which can create discord and discontent.

A true partnership has to include open transparent communication.  You should want to know what makes your partner feel loved by you, and of course your partner should want to know what you need to make you feel loved by them.

Words of Affirmation Expressing affection with a compliment, empathy, encouragement, or appreciation. Write your partner a love letter, tell them you love them and appreciate them, text an encouraging message, accept responsibility and tell your partner you are sorry when you make a mistake

Quality Time  Expressing affection with undivided undistracted attention. Our lives can be very busy and we do get caught-up with the hustle of work and life balance.  Your partner wants to feel they are also a priority in your life.  Creating time in your busy schedule is critical to show your partner they are important to you.  Possibly a board game or some playing cards, date night, take a walk together or go to bed at the same time.

Physical Touch  Expressing love through physical touch. A meaningful hug, cuddling, a kiss goodbye or hello, holding your partners hand are easy ways to let your partner feel they are loved and wanted.

Acts of Service  Action rather than words are used to show and receive love. Doing something to “help out”, usually makes life a little easier for your partner. Be it a routine task or something extra makes your partner feel seen and less overwhelmed.

Receiving Gifts  The act of giving a gift. Giving a thoughtful gift is symbolic of love and affection. The gift can be as simple as giving them their favorite treat.

Communicate how you want to feel loved.  And ask your partner how they want to feel loved. If you are both adding to each other’s love language bank account, your relationship can be fulfilling and successful.