First Date Catch

bad dateDear Coach Chris,

How do I get over my first date awkwardness?  I have had several first dates but never a second date.  I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I am usually very nervous and self-conscious.  I try to over prepare so I can be ready for anything. I know first impressions are important, so I always try to show my date I am a great catch. I always show-up cleaned-up, use my best cologne and arrive with flowers. I make reservations at the best restaurant in town. Most of the time I feel like the date was a good time but when I ask for a second date is ends up with a no.  I feel very rejected and defeated.  This has affected my confidence and I am now afraid to ask another person out for a date.  Should I just give up dating all together?  Help!!!



Dear Awkward Andy,

I understand the awkwardness of trying to impress a first date. When you place an uncontrollable expectation on a date, it will always create doubt and nervousness.  I believe first dates should be simple and easy. This may help with the nerves and confidence. When you go all out for the first date what is left for any future dates?  The first date should be about learning who the other person is.  You can also be the “great” catch by showing interest in your date through conversation.  Many people love talking about themselves.  Prepare some casual questions you want to know about your date and let them talk.  This usually can generate questions from your date, giving you the opportunity to reveal who you are. Avoid dominating the conversation.

So, keeping it simple can open up the opportunity to see if you are compatible with your date.  I suggest a coffee shop, a drink in a quiet bar, or somewhere you can have a casual conversation.  Based on relationship data you will have instant attraction or no attraction in a matter of 15 minutes. Don’t try to force the attraction. A simple initial meeting for a drink will not only save you money but also time.  If you find the initial meeting evolves into wanting to spend more time together, you can suggest an activity - a walk, bowling or something of interest you both have agreed upon.  This can progress to dinner or making plans for another date.

Finding the right person to spend time with is a journey in itself.  Keep dating and meeting as many people as you can.  The "no" to a second date is usually a gift because in the long run it was not meant to be more.  The key is to get to know them before you jump in ready to give your money, time and all of you.

You got this!!!

Good Luck,

Coach Chris

p.s. maybe tone down the cologne?