She washed me out of her hair

shampooDear Coach Chris,

We have been dating for about 6 months and I spend a lot of nights at her place.  I usually shower there before I go to work.  I noticed there were two kinds of shampoo bottles, one had my name written with waterproof magic marker.  I thought this was weird. Because shampoo is just shampoo, right? Why did she have to designate a specific one just for me.  I asked her and she said her shampoo is special and asked me not to use her shampoo.  I wasn’t satisfied with her explanation and didn’t want to start an argument about shampoo is just shampoo.  I did a little research on the internet and discovered she paid $50 for her special shampoo.  I was shocked.  I decided to help her save some money and show her shampoo is just shampoo.  I bought a much cheaper brand that was the same color and poured out her $50 shampoo and replaced it with the cheaper brand.

A few days later I complimented how pretty her hair looked and she replied the special shampoo was working.  I couldn’t help myself but had to tell her she had been using the cheaper shampoo and got the same results.  I also told her she would be saving $45 by using the cheaper shampoo.

She was outraged and stopped talking to me.  I have not been invited to stay overnight for weeks and she does not answer my calls or texts.  After being persistent she finally returned my calls.  She simply stated our relationship would not work.  She felt she could not trust what I might do next and was offended because I was trying to make her appear stupid for buying a shampoo she chose.

Really!!!  Was I wrong trying to show her she could save money?  Shampoo is just shampoo. Right?

Surprisingly,

Sham-pooed


Dear Sham-pooed,

I believe trying to prove your point this way was sneaky and offensive.  Your intention may have been good but the way you chose to prove your point was not a good.  I assume your ex-girlfriend purchased the shampoo with her own money and probably did her research on why she felt the $50 shampoo would help her.   I recommend the next time ask questions before you think you are doing a good deed based on your assumptions.  Also, research on more than just the price of shampoo you might find there is a big difference in quality.  Looks like the $5 shampoo didn’t deliver the happy, bouncy results you were looking for.

Wishing you a happy, healthy future,

Coach Chris

Grossed-out

Dear Coach Chris,
My partner had a painful in-grown toenail.  After some internet research it recommended to soak the foot in warm water to soften the nail then cut as much of the toenail as possible.  When I came home from work my partners foot was leisurely soaking in my favorite crockpot.  I went crazy.  My best crockpot has been contaminated and useless.  My partner told me my rage was not justified and I could easily clean the crock pot with soap and water.  I think the only solution is to throw the crockpot in the garbage.  I know every time I want to use the crockpot I will see a foot with an in-grown toenail soaking with my pot roast.  Am I justified in my craziness? Now I am having mixed feelings about throwing my favorite crockpot in the garbage.

Seriously,

Grossed-out


Dear Grossed-out,
It appears your imagination has over-ridden any level-headed reason.  The crockpot is an innocent bystander and doesn't deserve to be thrown away.  A simple solution is a good scrubbing with any disinfectant you choose (soap and water will also work).  This should sanitize the crockpot.  Maybe next time when you provide a solution for another in-grown toenail for your partner also provide a foot soaker tub and label it with your partners name.  Eliminating any confusion in the future.

Happy Crockpot Cooking,

Coach Chris

How do you love me?

How do you love me?  Let me count the ways…

For many of us part of our journey through life is finding THAT person.  Sometimes we make a list of qualities both physical and character.  The physical attraction is usually the first test.  Maybe it is a smile, a certain look, the list can be exhaustive.  The visual appearance can sometimes tell us a story, mostly one we are creating, not necessarily the whole truth about the person.

The character is more challenging.  We first judge the other persons character based on our values.  So sometimes this can create acceptance, non-acceptance or intrigue.  Knowing who we are should really be the basis of who we choose to be in our life.  I recommend starting with a self-analysis before you make a permanent or temporary decision of who your partner should be.

One of the suggested places to start is taking the 5 love languages quiz (5lovelanguages.com/quizzes).  The quiz can reveal what language you need and want in your relationships.  We all have specific needs that help us feel content and fulfilled in our relationships.

The book “The 5 love languages,” written by Dr Gary Chapman, lists the 5 languages most of us need to add to a successful relationship.

They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts.

One of these normally resonates for each of us.  For me it is acts of service.  I love it when someone does something for me without me asking.  The gratitude and appreciation within me creates a feeling of being special to that person.

Dr. Chapman emphasizes the critical importance that you should know what your love language is as well as your partners.  He correlates the process of providing the important love language for your partner to adding money into a bank account.  When you are not providing your partner with their love language the bank account can be operating in a deficit which can create discord and discontent.

A true partnership has to include open transparent communication.  You should want to know what makes your partner feel loved by you, and of course your partner should want to know what you need to make you feel loved by them.

Words of Affirmation Expressing affection with a compliment, empathy, encouragement, or appreciation. Write your partner a love letter, tell them you love them and appreciate them, text an encouraging message, accept responsibility and tell your partner you are sorry when you make a mistake

Quality Time  Expressing affection with undivided undistracted attention. Our lives can be very busy and we do get caught-up with the hustle of work and life balance.  Your partner wants to feel they are also a priority in your life.  Creating time in your busy schedule is critical to show your partner they are important to you.  Possibly a board game or some playing cards, date night, take a walk together or go to bed at the same time.

Physical Touch  Expressing love through physical touch. A meaningful hug, cuddling, a kiss goodbye or hello, holding your partners hand are easy ways to let your partner feel they are loved and wanted.

Acts of Service  Action rather than words are used to show and receive love. Doing something to “help out”, usually makes life a little easier for your partner. Be it a routine task or something extra makes your partner feel seen and less overwhelmed.

Receiving Gifts  The act of giving a gift. Giving a thoughtful gift is symbolic of love and affection. The gift can be as simple as giving them their favorite treat.

Communicate how you want to feel loved.  And ask your partner how they want to feel loved. If you are both adding to each other’s love language bank account, your relationship can be fulfilling and successful.